”Fridays are for… Newspaper Articles”

Again, here is my weekly column in the Canyon Lake (TX) Times-Guardian.  Enjoy!

                       “Two Ears, One Mouth”            

As much as would love to think otherwise, I am not always a good listener.  And, as much as I would like to be able to fall back on the convenient excuse that I have Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), that doesn’t wash when you are in the ministry.  In other words, I have no legitimate excuse not to be a good listener.           

That is especially clear in regard to the way that God has made the human body: there are two ears, but only one mouth.  And, the apparent implication of this undeniable anatomical reality is that we all should probably listen about twice as much as we talk.           

Isn’t it interesting to consider how seldom this is the case in life?  Some personalities are much more outgoing and, thus, talk a lot more than others, much more than they listen.  Others are not just soft-spoken, but very reserved, often to the point where they only speak if spoken to and are not comfortable doing so.           

Other people are more complicated, because sometimes they talk a lot and sometimes they are quiet and hardly talk at all.  I can definitely be like that on occasion, sometimes due to the mood I’m in, but sometimes also because of realistic needs of the relational setting in which I find myself.            

Allow me to let you look through my eyes—and hear through my ears—the relational nature of my week as a pastor.  I think you will see how, if I’m at all sensitive to what’s going on, there is an “ebb and flow” to my listening and speaking that, on average, turns out fairly close to what our anatomy seems to be implying for our behavior.           

On Sundays, I preach to our congregation and it is almost always pure monologue.  But, before and after the service, I circulate among our people and do more listening than talking.  That’s especially true on the third Sunday of each month, when we have a potluck lunch after church, followed by a “town hall” question and answer time, in which our church leadership replies to questions anyone in the congregation poses, as well as taking note of whatever comments are made on issues of significance for Comal Country Church.  During the town hall meeting, I often am not the leader fielding questions or interacting with comments.           

Throughout the rest of the week, I am, more often than not, listening more than expressing myself when I interact with people by phone or email.  And, that is particularly true most of the time when I am doing pastoral counseling (though I always have something to say at the beginning and the end in regard to biblical perspective on the issue).             

In regard to the two weekly evening meetings I am part of, there is a marked contrast in how much listening and speaking I do.  Those times are on Tuesday and Wednesday nights.

On Tuesday evenings, our church men’s group—born out of attending a Promise Keeper’s meeting in Dallas in 2006—meets for dinner and a teaching time.  I’ve only been asked–or needed—to provide any kind of leadership for the group just a couple of times.  Accordingly, on most Tuesday nights, I hold my tongue and listen carefully and, after the chatter over dinner, speak only if spoken to, except on the rare occasion when I either know much more than anyone else there about the subject at hand or it is clear some pastoral response is needed.

Wednesday evenings are much different, though.  After a fellowship dinner for anyone in our congregation (and we do have occasional visitors) and an extensive prayer time, I’m the facilitator of an open-ended question and answer time, during which any Bible, theology or church history subject is fair game.  It’s usually a lot of fun, though it can get technical because of the way the question is asked.

All in all, when I’m listening, I truly hope that people know that I do so because I care about them and their needs.  And, when I speak, I very much hope that people can tell it comes from my heart and speaks to their needs, rooted in the authority of Scripture, and is not because I am in love with the sound of my own voice.  In all honesty, I don’t know if that adds up to the biblical standard of “quick to hear, slow to speak” (James 1:19), but that’s my goal.